3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
