After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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