I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
