oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Randomize
