I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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