my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
