I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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