I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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