Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
