I met the friendliest cop last night
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
