You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
