Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
