she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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