You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
