Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
why is half of my head shaved?
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