I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
