omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize