My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
