dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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