I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
