I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
