I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
