Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
