I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
