How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
