i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
