ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
