i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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