The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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