I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
