Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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