Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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