We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
