I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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