just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
