I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
