I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Randomize