He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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