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I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
