I think my fart just growled at me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The power of my boobs compel you
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
