Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
