i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
