half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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