i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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