we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
love makes seman taste better
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize