Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
