How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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