Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
