She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
