Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
