you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
