Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
