my mouth tastes like poor choices
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
