i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
whose parrot is this?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
