Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
