Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
