tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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