LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
