My nipple is on Facebook.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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