help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
