we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
