You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
