did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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