I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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