He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
