I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
