end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize