somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
