id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
