i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
