Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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