I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
