did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
