No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
What a dumb baby whore.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
