Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
