I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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