Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
