I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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