Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
