never play flip cup with pint glasses
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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