so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
