sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
