somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
