i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
