Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We need to rekindle our bromance
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
