i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
