Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
A bitchslap is in order.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
