there's paper in my vomit.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
