I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
