My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
