Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
