i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
