there was a trapeze. enough said
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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