I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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