She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i believe in u and ur pee
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
