Pappa wants mamma naked
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
