Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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