there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
