just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
