As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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