My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
did i just pee glitter
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