I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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