I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize