I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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