i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
How's work?
Spinning.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
