I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
