Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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