I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
