you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
