glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
