Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
