I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize